“the Riddick’s”. brilliant!
My mouth drops open from the poignancy:
I am a number. Names are for people.
I am ... a number.
Will you ever stop stunning me? How can I finish reading this thing if I have to keep picking myself up off the floor from your knock-out prose?
Like:
trying to knock out the questions that are starting to bite me. Nibble, nibble, nibble like tiny little rats. Chewing up good thoughts and leaving the bad.
(Typo (probably typing too fast):
before it can jump on my back shred it to bloody ribbons.
You need either a comma or the word “and” following “back”. The “and” would probably be more grammatically correct. However since you’re writing Crazy-Alice-cam, the comma would be acceptable as how she would be thinking it.)
::jerks as if awakening from a dream, myself:: upon reading:
"If you scream again, I'm leaving you here."
::catches breath:: Well done, again!
Y’know, it’s funny, a few lines above that, I had the thought meander through my mind that in other stories I *might* find myself ancy with so much exposition, itching to get to any action. However, you’re doing such a masterful job with this Crazy-Alice-cam stuff that not only am I
not ancy, but I would be thoroughly satisfied if the entire point of the whole story was just to keep psychologically observing and delving into these two characters as they each, in their own way, work on discovering what makes the other tick.
But methinks with that closing line, you do have some action in mind for this story!!
From Ratatosk’s commentary:
Quote from chapter 4:
He gave his life to save me, pushed me away from the crashing helicopter even though I impaled him on a steel spike a few minutes before.
Quote from Rataosk’s commentary:
I really like this, but it seemed too . . . sane to match with the rest.
I know what you mean, and yet it seemed almost fitting to me: that’s the hell of it: when insane, it’s the moments of sanity and clarity that become the nightmares.
The way you nail the Riddick caracter with her opservation and his minimual words leaves me in awe!
What Jamelith said!!
For that matter, also:
I *so* want to be you when I grow up!
Just call me, Wannabie!
Complete with the pun: Wann-(ay)abie! (humor: ar, ar)
And as for Fr0sh:
Alice's thoughts, all the questions running through her mind, it makes me feel she has sanity lurking underneath her somewhere...
Yes!! I lost that thought in trying to capture all my reactions, but I am loving that sense of sanity still lurking deep, where it’s safe until it’s safe to come out . . . !
Author
