Stop Talking, 1/1, PG-13, RE:A AU

[Ayabie]

Title: Stop Talking

Author: Ayabie

Chapter: 1/1 (Though like my notes say, this may end up tying into another story)

Fandom: Resident Evil Apocalypse AU

Rating: P-13

Warnings: Adult Situations

Orientation: Gen

Pairing: None

Summary: What if Alice didn't escape at the end of the RE:A movie?

Disclaimer: Alice and any other references to the Resident Evil movies, books or game universe belong to Sony and Capcom. I own nothing. I'm just playing with their charries.

Feedback: Sure

Archive: AoVD yes. Sure, just ask.

Notes: Okay peeps, yes, yes this is vastly AU but then again when have my stories not been. And yep this may end up tying in with a crossover idea that's floating around in my head. And another yep, this is my first venture into the first crazy peep pov. I'd like to thank Jamelith, if it wasn't for her I'd never have gotten this nutty muse. Last but not least, this hasn't been beta'ed much so... any mistakes are mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They don't talk to me anymore. Couldn't tell you when they stopped exactly. Was it a day ago or a week, maybe a month, maybe even years and I just now noticed? Time doesn't mean much here, if it ever did I can't remember. Don't remember a lot of things. But I can remember a time when they would address me, ask me how I slept or if I was hungry or if this hurt or that when they poked and prodded me but now they don't even do that. Now they just scribble on their papers and whisper to each other. I don't know what they're whispering or writing about. Maybe I don't want to know. Maybe it'll all be worse if I did know. How, I'm not sure but it could I suppose. All I do know is they don't talk to me anymore.

They're watching me though. I can feel their eyes on me. Everything I do, every move I make. If I talk or laugh. That might be what they're writing down. Never knew that I was so much fun to watch. I know they can see me through the dark glass surrounding my cage. Maybe they don't think I know that, but I do. Nothing I can do about it though.

It used to bother me when they stopped giving me robes. Didn't want them to see me naked. Thought that if I could at least choose to keep myself covered I would have some control over the situation. Stupid, silly thought since they control everything. I do know that. Well, they control everything except what's inside my head. That's my place. Anyway, I'm used to being watched, don't really care much now.

I suppose I'm just a number to them. Used to be a human. One five seven three, that's me. Sometimes after the tests, while my hurts go away, I rearrange the numbers in my mind but it always brings new questions, new things to think about. Would the tests be easier if I was five three one seven or would they be even worse? How could they be worse? Would they stop giving me vanilla ice cream if I was three one five seven? Actually that's a good thought because I don't like vanilla ice cream. I think I used to like it though.  

I suddenly laugh and I hear the scribbling behind the glass get faster. They're probably wondering what's so funny. Good thing they aren't talking to me. Because if they were, they'd probably ask why and I don't have an answer to give them. I don't know why. As suddenly as I started laughing, I stop and turn toward the glass. I stick my tongue out at them for a second before looking down again. There, that'll give them something to write about.

Can't look at my reflection long. It scares me. I know there should be scars, big ones, all over me, making me look like the monster I am. Criss-crossing my entire body like a roadmap of all my tests. Point A leads point B. Point A starting next to my belly button and Point B would be right above my left nipple. I think now I've got the whole alphabet covered on me. A through Z of marks that should be. But when I look at myself they're not there. My skin's smooth and unmarked. I want them to be there!

I start pacing my cell and while I take the ten steps it takes to get from one side to the other, I trace where the scars should be. Right here, a Hunter's talon ripped open my arm from my wrist to my elbow. Couldn't move my hand for a while after. I brush my fingers over my side. Right here the damned stupid fucking dogs shredded me. It hurt so much and the blood ran down my thigh in red rivers. Thought that I was going to bleed to death before the damned stupid fucking mutts could tear out my throat. I remember... I think. I don't know! Did it really happen or was it just a horrid nightmare? I have those, a lot. I want my marks back damn it! They're mine! I earned every single one of them. Maybe if I could touch them it would help me remember things right again. Maybe.

Maybe none of this is real? Not the labs, not the scientists, not the tests and not me! I want to scream or cry. I'm scared. But mainly...

I wish they'd talk to me again so I could ask them if I'm really Alice anymore.

[Jamelith]

You are the most awesome Aya!  Wow.  Wonderful internal dialogue. Really explains a lot about the character, what_if_alice, on LJ.   Loved the closing line.

Good pacing and flow.  The part where she turns the number around in her mind is brilliant!

Would love to read more if there is any.
Jamelith

[Ayabie]

TY!!! I was wondering if this would even work at all. I've never really written anything in first! *big giant hugs!* Because of you, yes you I have an idea! So thank you again!

[StvnsAngel]

Ooooooooh, very awesome! Me likes!

I'm used to reading Crazy A, lol. Love Crazy A, but this was a nice change. Maybe this is what made A Crazy?

If my brain was more capable right now, I'd be able to post more than me loves! But see, ya don't need to hide!

[Ayabie]

TY! *hugs!* But wait brain's are supposed to work?!

[StvnsAngel]

Tis the rumor! But when was the last time my brain was functioning properly? LOL!

And ya welcome!

[Nicolina]

Ohhh, that is soo good, and so sad... Somehow she seems strong and yet vulnerable. At the same time as inhuman as she thinks she is and still very much the little girl she was a long time ago.

Loved it, Aya.

[topaz08]

Ah-ha!!  I have read this before!!  And it's a good read, AyA.  Scary and sad both.  You wouldn't want to piss off Alice, but sometimes it seems like someone should hand her a blankie and a nice bowl of chicken soup.

[EmmaFrost]

This is brilliant, 'Bie.  I loved her need for the scars as a validation of what's happened to her.  Really well done, hon!

Em

[Shalimar]

Not only have I read this before, but I could swear I commented on it. However, I found it on RGFC, too, and no comments from me there, either. I think I must have talked to you about it in chat or something. I do remember thinking at the time, Why does Aya worry that she can't write? Jeezie!

Shalimar

[Tealady]

Coming in on this story (including Coming Undone) quite late in the game, so I've read through all the posted-so-far chapters and made my notes as I went, and will now paste them in for the appropriate chapters so that it's all together.

Starting with this one, "Stop Talking":


Chilling.  ::shudders::  . . .  I really enjoyed this piece, Ayabie.  I just saw “Resident Evil” and “Resident Evil: Apocalypse” on TV a couple months ago, which was good timing in that it allowed me to understand your story better.  (Actually saw them in reverse order, just enjoyed “RE:A” a whole lot, even though I was getting stuff out-of-context, because of the presence of Oded Fehr, my favorite desert warrior from “The Mummy”! … What’s more, I was just now doing some Googling to make sure I had the correct movie titles of the ones I’d seen, and when I went to watch a trailer for “RE:A”, the fake commercial for the “Regenerate” product from the Umbrella Company actually explained more about what the blazes had happened in the movie than the movies did, or at least than I had gotten out of them!)

Interestingly, the nature of your story lends itself to being a standalone that I probably would have appreciated and enjoyed and been chilled by just as much if I had not seen the movies to know the details.  But I’m still glad I had seen the movies so that I had the background.

Still more interesting:  I did notice some “nits”, mis-punctuations and spots where you changed tense mid-sentence and stuff like that.  And yet none of that seemed “wrong” in the context of the rambling first-person thoughts of your character.  Your story was rather stream-of-consciousness and therefore such departures from “proper writing” were just fine, did not grate or set off grammar-klaxons or anything.  (Except for: 

Thought that if I could at least chose to keep myself covered I would have some control over the situation.

  Typo:  should be “choose”: “Thought that if I could at least choose to keep myself covered…”)

Loved some her train of thought.  Gosh, when did the voices stop anyway?  Gosh, didn’t know I was so fascinating to watch.  Getting so used to being watched I don’t even care anymore that they make me stay naked.  Gosh, I used to be human but now I’m just a number.---Oh!  And that turning over the numbers and rearranging them and contemplating how things might be different if she was a differently-numbered subject (chilling thought in itself:  Is Alice not the only one in a cell being watched and having ranks of people taking notes on her, or are there other cells with subjects who may have those numbers, and they may well be doing different things to these other-numbered cell occupants??!!), simply stunning!  I mean really, if they’re not giving her anything to think about, what *would* her mind turn to?  I know you wrote this well before the current cell-phone commercial campaign where people are shown extrapolating on the most odd and irrelevant points because they don’t have to worry about running over on their minutes with their phone plan, so they can think about all kinds of things . . . but the principle strikes me as the same!  Absolutely perfect for the situation!  Bravo!

---Gosh, let me stick my tongue out at them for no particular reason and give them something to ponder.  Gosh, I don’t like looking at my reflection because I know what I should be seeing but it’s not there.  Gosh where are all the marks that should be there from all these tests I’ve had to endure, I should look like a roadmap.  Wait, did I really experience those things that I seem to remember happening to me here, and here?  (Another chilling sideline:  have they been surgically repairing her, or using the Regenerate product to replace damaged cells?  OR has she NOT been experiencing those things: were they simulations, or something projected into her mind to let them measure how she reacted?)  Where are the marks that would tell me this is real?!  Those marks are part of my Identity!  Without them, I don’t even know if I’m Alice anymore!

::shudders, again::  As I said, I believe the whole progression could have been followed and appreciated even as a standalone, w/o having seen the movie or even knowing that there had been a movie that this was based on.

Well done, Ayabie!

Onward to read other people’s comments, which I so often find every bit as enjoyable as the stories themselves on this site! . . .

[Ayabie]

Peeps!

First of all, ya'll feel free to wop me upside the head because I could have sworn I thanked ya'll for ya fb on this already. So even before I go over points, a big huge thank you to the TL-Peep for not only her fb but for reminding me that I shoulda thanked ya'll earlier. I know it's no big shock or nothin' but sometimes yeah, ya bie is a bloomin' idiot.

Okay now that that's out of the way, ya'll know the drill!

Nic-Peep!

Somehow she seems strong and yet vulnerable.

I think that's why I've always liked the Alice character because there she is kicking ass and then a moment later she'll look lost or whatever. I love that. If she was always tough and badass I don't know if I would have ever gotten an Alice voice. I'm glad ya liked the thing that began the whole trainwreck.

ToP-Peep!

but sometimes it seems like someone should hand her a blankie and a nice bowl of chicken soup.

I think she'd love that, knowing this voice that blankie'd turn into her best friend and she tote it everywhere just like the dude in the Peanuts comics/cartoons LOL!

Em-Peep!

I loved her need for the scars as a validation of what's happened to her.

I'm glad ya liked! Ya know sometimes it's so hard to believe what this thing spawned.

Shal-Peep!

I do remember thinking at the time, Why does Aya worry that she can't write? Jeezie!

'Cause I read all of ya'lls stuff and ya know the rest.

TL-Peep!

First off, hope ya don't mind that I call ya that! Before I even start on ya points, a huge bonus thanks not just for ya fb on this one but for on all the others too and the time ya spent on it! (I'll be thanking ya on those too but if it takes me a while I just wanted ya to know how much I appreciate it. )

Now on to points!

because of the presence of Oded Fehr...

I have to take this moment to think about Carlos and sigh all dreamy like.

the fake commercial for the “Regenerate” product from the Umbrella Company...

Oh man, that reminds me, there's a real make up commercial now that the bottle of whatever it is looks almost like the bottle in the fake commercial, with the glass helix looking thing inside. I was thinkin' I don't care what it does, I am so not using it just on general principles.

Interestingly, the nature of your story lends itself to being a standalone that I probably would have appreciated and enjoyed and been chilled by just as much if I had not seen the movies to know the details.

At first that was all it was meant to be until the idea of what would a crazy A and a not too sane himself R kept worrying me. And I'm glad you would have liked it even if you hadn't seen the RE's. I tried hard on this and I still am trying on CU to not bog the fic down with so many RE details that if peeps hadn't seen the flicks they'd be completely lost.

Still more interesting:  I did notice some “nits”, mis-punctuations and spots where you changed tense mid-sentence and stuff like that.  And yet none of that seemed “wrong” in the context of the rambling first-person thoughts of your character.

I live in constant fear that the Grammar Nazis will hunt me down and hurt me. But if it was all correct and perfect, grammer-wise I really don't think it or CU would work as well.

Typo:  should be “choose”

Consider it changed!

I know you wrote this well before the current cell-phone commercial campaign where people are shown extrapolating on the most odd and irrelevant points because they don’t have to worry about running over on their minutes with their phone plan, so they can think about all kinds of things . . . but the principle strikes me as the same!

Heeeeeey, I would never have thought about that until ya mentioned it and yep, now I totally see it LOL!

Another chilling sideline:  have they been surgically repairing her, or using the Regenerate product to replace damaged cells?

A lot of it's just the virus. I noticed 'cause I am sad and pathetic and have watched the RE movies so many times that me hubby wonders more about my sanity than he usually does, I noticed that a scar on her shoulder she had during the first one goes away by the end of the second. The only reason for that I could think of besides just an oops is that the virus took care of it. Tis why I figured that if she was put into some kind of cryo-like container, they could keep her alive forever practically.

which I so often find every bit as enjoyable as the stories themselves on this site! . . .

I'm with ya there, I love reading the comments! (not just on mine of course LOL!)

Once again thank you (all) so much for ya fb, I be sooooo bouncy over here! (I shall be thanking ya TL-Peep on all the chapters o' CU but I am pokey so I figured I'd tell ya here that so ya don't think I don't appreciate ya!)

[WillowWoman]

I'm kind of late jumping in on this particular game (trying, again, to re-insinuate myself into the AoVD madness), but I second everyone here. I didn't find any nits... everyone else must have snagged them. I liked her ramblings on the scars and the numbers. IT made me think of this thought I had in fifth grade... if I had a different name, would people treat me differently? Would I have more friends? Would my mother let me paint my nails if I were named Lacey or Jessica or Christina? It really brought me back there for a second, to those insecure years, and made me feel for Alice all the more.

I recently saw RA, the first one, and honestly, the only reason I knew her name was Alice was because of your fics here and the LJ character. Very interesting, how the little bit I've read of your work helped make that character more real for me than the movie did.

When I get the time, I think I'll be tackling Coming Undone next.   

[Ayabie]

WW-Peep,

First off, hey being late's no problem silly! I'm just grateful that ya left fb and for that thank you very much. Tis very muchly appreciated. And welcome back.

I'm glad that me fic helped make the real Alice more real for ya! *bounces all over the place!*

Once again thank ya so much for ya fb!

[Jamelith]

I've been gone for so long, I thought I'd start at the beginning again. It's even better the second time around. Off to read more.